All the Days of My Life (an Excerpt)

** taken from Chapter 6- A Forever Kind of Love by Leslie Ludy.
From the book: "When God Writes Your Love Story" written by Eric and Leslie Ludy.

*one word:
OUCH. oh yeah! and important stuff (well, for me at least) are highlighted. XP
My fellow sisters in Christ.. be moved and learn from this entry as I have. [HUZZZAH FOR GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRITS! XD]

Not long after my decision to "give God the pen" to write my love story, I learned a truth about loving my future husband that dramatically changed the way I was living.

I was innocently reading my "proverb for the day" which happend to be Proverbs 31. The famous chapter in the Bible that describes the "wife of godly character."

I must admit, I wasn't paying very close attention or taking the words too seriously. After all, I figured most of it wouldn't apply to me until after I was a "wife", which as far as I was concerned, wouldn't be for awhile! Yet suddenly my eye fell upon a verse, and the words stood out to me.

"She (the wife of godly character) does him (her husband) good and not evil all the days of her life."
(Prov. 31:12)

Wait a minute! My mind raced. All the days of her life?
What was that supposed to mean? I had yet to meet any woman who had been married all the days of her life. Did this verse mean she tried to do her husband good... even before she met him?

I felt a gentle nudge on my heart. And somehow, I knew this was what God wanted for me. To seek my future husband's highest good... starting right now.
"How can I love someone I've never met?" I argued back inside my head. "I mean, i'm keeping a commitment to abstinence for my future husband... so what else can I possibly do for him?"

The gentle nudge continued, ultimately forcing me to examine the way I was living. How had I been approaching relationships? Each time I was involved with someone, I poured my heart, my emotions, my affection, my time, and all my attention onto that person. Not to mention the fact, that though I may have been technically a virgin, I wasn't keeping myself physically pure - I was constantly compromising my standards.

"How would your future husband feel..." my heart seemed to ask, "if he could see you giving everything you are to these relationships? If he could watch you freely giving away your heart, your emotions, and your physical purity... a treasure that belongs to him?"

My heart ached. I realized so clearly in that moment that I hadn't been loving my future husband. With the way I had been living, I hadn't even been considering him at all! Instead, I had been consumed with meeting my own immediate desires. Sadness overcame me as I saw that I had been giving his treasure, piece by piece, to each guy I dated.

"Lord, I want to honor You and my future husband with the way I live," I prayed that day, "and I am making a commitment today to love and seek his highest good from now on."

My love life was transformed. Even though I didn't know him yet, I began truly loving Eric at that moment- truly loving my future husband "all the days of my life." It wasn't always easy. At times it was painful. And of course, there were plenty of moments when the old selfishness tried to creep back in. But with God's help, I started laying the foundation for a lifelong relationship, because I was willing to start loving my future husband with a sacrificial love, a selfless love, a lasting love... an unconditional love.

For a Dear Friend

It pains me when I see you weep.
Why? Because I see so much of myself in you. I see you... and I remember.
I remember how I used to cry like there was no tomorrow. I remember how I felt so broken those days, how there was so much hurt inside of me. I remember asking Daddy to shield you and her from the same pain, if ever the time would come.

Eventually, it did.. but Daddy did not shield you. I guess Daddy wanted us to learn.
But one thing I am grateful for, is how the both of you learned from my experience to help yourselves in the future. Because it turned out, that your experiences were much more simple than mine.
Sometimes I wish I had what you two had. I wish I had enough courage as she did, when she went out of her way to reach out to a friend she really cared about (and how obvious is it that, that same friend cares so much about her as well?)
I wish I had the same convictions as you had, and how it was you who gathered enough guts to put an end to things when you knew things weren't right. And then, hours after you did end it all, how you casually talked to each other (despite the tension..) proving you were more like.. and better at being friends.

I remember how I eventually got past that stage and got back up on my feet.

My dear sweet friend, things are going to be alright. I just know it. Always know that I am here for you. I know what your going through and if it means anything to you, let me cry with you.
Also, know that Daddy is with you. He hates to see you cry, and im sure He doesnt mean to hurt you.. but Daddy has to. Daddy knows that breaking your heart is the only way for you to understand what breaks His.
Run back into His arms my dear friend, and find comfort in Him when no one with skin on could comfort you. May our Lover be with you during your tearful nights and depressing days, just as how He's been there for me. Take joy in knowing the fact that He, Himself will wipe away every single tear from your eyes. (Rev. 21:4)

On your feet beautiful stranger, do not stay down. Get up and continue moving forward. There is much in store for you.

May you find the peace and joy only Sweetie could provide. When you receive it, you'll realize that with what you did, though painful... puts a smile on His face.
(although im pretty sure you already know that..)


I love you.ü

Wild-goose chase?

(During Brain Train.)

Lanuage Proficiency:
Lesson: Idioms

Directions: Choose the correct meaning of the italicized phrase and write its letter on your answer sheet.

Question: Looking for the perfect man is always a wild-goose chase.
a. worth cause
b. useless search
c. tiring search
d. exciting activity

correct answer: b

I know its just a test question, but is it really true that people should just give up on searching for the perfect man/woman?
We all know the saying that nobody's perfect, but as Christians we also learned something about: "waiting in God's time to find that 'perfect someone' who fits your standards."

I wanna hear the people's opinion on this.
So comment me. NOW

So help me God...

Daddy,
What will it take to put a smile on your face?

Does it mean to suffer the consequences of losing a restored friendship? Having someone get mad at you because i've said something that brings glory to Your Name, yet it's what he doesn't want to hear?
Does it mean to talk to that person, and confront him, even if it means risking our new friendship, and it means that i might have to live the rest of my life passing him by the hallway, but never looking into his face?

Daddy, im scared. But help me remember that its not the world im trying to please, but it's You.
If "some people" aren't ready to hear my testimony bec. of some reputation, then Daddy, rebuke that person.

But what if this thing was actually a reminder for me?
What if this is one of my reminders from Daddy. Correcting a wrong motive perhaps?

Search my heart, Daddy. And if there is any reveal it to me that I may rid of it..
You know me better than I know myself...

Let It Flow (in serious partnership with Alfonso Pizarro)

**note: this actually came from my testimony, so pardon me if it feels a little bit bitin. XP

...A good friend once gave me a thought to ponder on:
“It is when you allow and don’t try that you will inevitably do.”
We’ve been trying to find a way to elaborate the statement further, and I guess now would be a perfect time to apply that.
You see, when a little girl named Deb, who looked for love in all the wrong places stopped trying and allowed Daddy- who knew His daughter better than she knew herself. Who was kind and gentle and loving so powerful that He didn’t even need Deb’s help- when Deb allowed Daddy to work His magic, she eventually (and inevitably) found the love that she’s been looking for.

No, I haven’t found my GB. (but I wish… hehe!) But I’ve finally claimed the love that has been poured out to me from the very beginning. I was just too distracted to notice that it was right there in front of me all along! And when I did accept this precious gift, I received the Peace and Joy I know only my Lover could provide. And now that I no longer try to grab the pen from His hand, and just trusted my Lover, I began to live my life one wonderful love story at a time. And as each day passes, they just keep getting better.

He has made me glad, and for that I am eternally grateful...

Sonnet 116

"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
Oh no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."

-William Shakespeare
(1564 - 1616)



O_O

A bittersweet walk down memory lane.

Why is it that I can't seem to get it out of my system?
I mean.. yeah i've moved on.. its over yaddah yaddah yaddah.. but then sometimes i still find myself thinking about it everytime I wake up, or maybe smiling as the memories replay in my head just before i go to sleep.

Force of habit I presume.
This stranger who i [think] know oh-so-well. For once, I've had enough of you. I'm sick of your face popping inside my head everytime there is a chance. In fact.. IM SICK OF YOU.
Im sick of people asking me how i've been without you. Im sick of the fact that people sometimes still link me to you.
Im sick of how you are so quick to judge, sick of how you criticize people the way you do.
I mean, if my own parents can't tell me how I should worship, then what gives YOU the right to tell me how I should worship?
Who do you think you are, to go on judging peoples relationship with God like that?

*ugh*
I'd have to admit. Sometimes I envy you.
I envy your passion. I envy how you have so much zeal for God.
I think I have an idea of your burden- of wanting others to come to know Christ the way you do..
But you'd have to understand. The way to a person's heart is not by talking them down, or debating with them. Its by being gentle, and compassionate and understanding..
Its Christians like you who make Christians like us want to draw closer to God.
but then.. its Christians like you, who make Christians like us.. feel insecure and doubtful..

"You're the only one you know who carries a cross,
you don't care what they care about anyway....

You can't find the answers till you learn to question,
You won't appear stupid, just ask for direction.
You're insecure and it clouds your perception..
So stop and listen and learn a lesson in love without condition.."

Sometimes I just feel like throwing a line like that at you.
But then I think that.. What if, the words were meant for me, and not you..

I'm sorry.. (there, I said it..)

I've been critical myself. I've been mad when I shouldn't. Afterall, we're both fighting for the same reason, and that reason is God.
But then I ask.. "who's in the right?"
then again, only He can say.
Can't we just set aside our differences and live harmoniously, like how real brothers and sisters in Christ should? Lets stop this childish bickering because its really getting nowhere.. (don't you agree?)

You think we're ok.. but BOY, do we have issues..
*ugh*

It's true when they say, old habits die hard.
No no, i'm not bitter. Not at all.. really! I'm just really fed up, thats all.
God already broke me by taking you away. And thats cool and all, cause it made me draw closer to Him. But then why are you still inside my head? Are you supposed to stay there?

Maybe im not broken enough.

Learning From The Leper

Scripture Text: Luke 17:11-19

Have you ever had someone do something so great for you, that you felt so thankful, you wanted to do something sepcial for that person? Or find a way repay him/her somehow?

Or, did you just go on your merry way, without even thanking the person?

This is what I learned during a small devotional we had together as a family.
I learned that we are very much like lepers.

Unclean.
Isolated.
Despised.
Unloved.

If you look at Numbers 5:2-4; the Lord gave Moses intructions on what to do with these people.They had to separate them from their homes, thier loved ones. Deprive them of being with them, and isolate them someplace far (like in the dessert). They had to tear their clothes as a symbol of deep sorrow, and they had to cover their faces. (Because in the old times, the face was considered the most intimate part of the body, so if you cover your face this shows no intimacy to any person.) And if anyone tries to get near them they would have to shout "UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!"
Why go this far for a sick person? Because leprosy can be contaigous..
and leprosy.. just like sin..
slowly but surely, kills a person.

We all remember the bible story of the 10 lepers that Jesus healed right?
what was their call?
"Master [Jesus] have pity on us..."

(its now time for Deb's Dictionary/Thesaurus! XD)
Main Entry: pity
Part of Speech: noun 1
Definition: mercy

Mercy- Not receiving something you deserve.

The Lepers knew they deserved to die, because they were unclean, but here they were calling out to their Lord, to show them mercy, and not allow them to die.

Seeing them, Jesus told them to go and show themselves to the priest, and as they went on their way, they were healed. (v.14)
Now why did Jesus tell them to go to the priest?
Not that it means anything in the present time, but in the old days you had to go to the priest and have yourself checked if you were healed, so he may give you the bill of health. So in short, the priest was sort of an accuser. He judges the person and if he sees any impurities in you he points it out and sends you away.
In our christian lives, Satan or the Devil are our accusers. That *zhomgoodnessgoshdarnitdagnabbit (word censored thanks to jimsilog: SB daw ako hahah!)* demon is going to find some sort of "leprosy" in us and accuse us of being filthy and undeserving to rejoin our loved ones, but Jesus is going to clean that up and He will claim us righteous.

On their way to the priest, they were healed.. and only ONE leper realized this.

That one leper was sensitive to the power of Christ, and so he went back.. because he knew that his Lord deserved to be thanked.
Even if he was instructed by God to go see the priest, he delayed and followed his higher calling- he took the time to give God what was due to Him.

as I have learned :
** A lack of thankfulness is a lack of thoughtfulness.

Sometimes we like to think that we are sufficient, but the truth is.. we are born helpless into this world.
We sometimes think that doing good works or serving in the ministry is enough, but a lot of times we forget why we're doing it.
But we have to remember that if we don't give God our "thanks" or the honor that is due Him, all of our "Christian routines", even if they are for a good cause; are all gonna become another gimick.


My dad told me once, "DELAYED OBEDIENCE IS DISOBEDIENCE"
so, did that mean that since this leper delayed, he was disobeying God? When he came back to Jesus, was He told off "Why are you here?! I told you to go to the priest! You disobeyed Me!"

NO.
yes, this leper (who was actually a foreigner. NOTE: Samaritan) did not obey instantly, but he had a higher calling- to give thanks to Jesus, and the Lord did not stop him from doing that.

"17 Jesus asked, "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18 Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" 19 Then he said to him, 'Rise and go; your faith has made you well.'"

"YOUR FAITH HAS MADE YOU WELL."

Note: Jesus was the one who assured him that he was clean! He did not have to go back to the priest, he did not have to wash himself by some healing pool. All he did was fall down on his knees in perfect submission and glorified Jesus. And he was well.
So through this guy's thanksgiving, Jesus perfected his Faith.

I promised God, that if He would make things better, He would get all the glory.
And here I am God, giving You what You deserve.
I know for sure this was all your doing, and for that I am eternally grateful.ü

How about you guys? Have you learned from the leper? Or will you follow the example of the other 9 who just went on their way?
Its never too late to turn back and thank Him.ü