To tell you the truth...
I lied.
And I think i'm getting used to it.
[Oh nose.]
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
*Entry Successfully Deleted*
"You're only showing Me that you're no different from them..
Stop that."
You seriously have issues
Thoughts
"Ang problema kasi sa mga taong katulad mo, sarado na ang isipan mo na hopless na ang JZone. It's hard to convince someone who's already made their mind up on something."
-------
The Chuch will never be perfect. NEVER. As long as it is run by people there will always be problems. There will always be faults. Even if you leave one and decide to move to another, the problems will still be there. Leave the faults and problems behind. If God could forget them, so can you.
--------
Don't complain about the system or the order of things. They'll always be flawed. Tell you what, you're actually a part of it, why don't YOU do something about it?
-------
"We go to CCF, because God called us to meet with Him there. If He told me to get my family and pack up because He wants to meet us somewhere else, I will follow."
-------
God isn't always soft.
But God isn't always hard either.
--------
"Love one another.. that's the only way our church will grow"
-------
You're blinded by your own bitterness. You don't see how selfish you are. Seriously.
-------
It's not about ourselves. It's not about me. Nor is it about you. It's all about God. So what's with the critical spirit? You say this is your holy discontent, but you're not doing anything to feed it. What's up with that?
-------
"Are you a leader or a follower of God?"
-------
You make good points. But you're all talk. You admit to have faults too, but when other people fall, you are quick to point your finger at them. Where's the grace in that?
-------
I'm worried about you. You have so much pride in yer heart.
-------
Stay away from him. I'm no kill joy, but I know he isn't good for you.
------
I'm not gonna be there when he's around. But when it's over, i'll be there.
------
Haven't you learned anything?
------
When a lamb keeps wandering off, the Shepherd has to break that lamb's leg, not just to keep it from moving about, because it's crippled. But to teach the lamb to depend on the Shepherd.
-------
You're changing and you don't even know.
I honestly do not know who you are. Mama always said never talk to strangers.
-------
Ever notice that I rarely talk these days?
-------
"An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient." Titus 1:6
-------
Do your part. Don't be double-standard. Get rid of that bitterness. Be gracious as He has. Don't be such a perfectionist, because nobody really is.
...and then i'll shut up.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
2 Corinthians 5:13
He's been talking to me all week.
I thought everything was just a dream, until I actually had a dream about it.
Last Friday night, I dreamt I was at this strange old house. Inside, were huge serpents scattered all over. I walked around the house, careful not to disturb or even come close to any of them, but for some reason, I wasn't afraid of these serpents. They were more afraid of me. I was with a friend (I forgot who) and that friend was afraid. A serpent tried to attack this friend, but I stood in between them and it backed away.
We came to the house to play Hide and Seek. There were other children there, all wanting to play with us. While the taya counted to a hundred, we all ran and hid all over the house. The children dragged us to the left and to the right. They brought us all over the house and showed us the best hiding places so we could not be found. But I didn't listen. I dragged my friend with me and stepped inside the Master's bedroom and hid under the bed. We giggled because we found the best hiding spot. It took hours for our friends to find us.
Suddenly, just as how all dreams seem to shift, there was a bright white light that appeared and scanned the house. Sort of like a light that came from a Lighthouse. It was searching. It was as if it was joining our little game. Three times this light appeared. The first caused mass destruction. We were asked to evacuate. When it happened again, we were more prepared. We had been waiting for it. Expecting it to come. However, this time it did not cause destruction- it completely changed the surrounding. Everything was made new. Fresh. It felt good. The third and last time it appeared, it felt like a tractor beam. The light got a hold of me and I felt myself being pulled upward, to where it was coming from. It felt good. I felt happy.
I woke up.
Lord knows what that dream was all about. But I wanted to go back to it. It felt so real. Especially during the part when I was being taken up into Heaven.
I got up from bed that Saturday morning and did my quiet time before getting to my chores. I had to leave as soon as possible since I needed to watch a play in Greenbelt 1.
Nakakahiya, mejo nagmamadali pa nga ako noon. I remember half-heartedly praying "Lord, what do you want to tell me today?" But I was rebuked by the Holy Spirit when I read my devotional for that day..
God was still keeping His eye on me. He wasn't done talking to me yet. I know it wasn't a coincidence that I was led to turn to 2 Corinth 11:13-15 that day:
"For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve."
"Be on red alert today, Deb."
"But how, Lord? I'm not exactly sure how to be ready. I might mess up again. The Enemy could take advantage of me by reminding me of the wretched life I lived before."
Then I read Galatians 5:1- "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
God reminded me that He left me a Manual on how to operate my life. And lately, being the Pinoy that I am, I haven't been consulting it and have been trying to fix things myself.
"Stand firm, Deb. You'll do fine Just trust Me."
I closed in prayer that day, ready to face the world. But a question still unanswered remained in my heart: How exactly do I feed my Holy Discontent? I need Action Points! I was aware of my hunger, but I didn't know exactly how to deal with it. I felt incapable.
This, God answered for me today, when at church I heard a wonderful message by Pastor Rick Warren. (on video nga lang haha) It was about surrendering what you had- your identity, income and influence- surrendering yourself to God so that He may use you. In our hands, these things are merely nothing, but when we present ourselves to God, He can work miracles in and through us. And then Rick Warren mentioned something about feeding your Holy Discontent.
BOOM! [pare] (hahaha!)
He hit the nail right on the head when he shared the 5 biggest problems in the world and what we can do about it. Everything starts when we care for the people God cares about. When we begin to realize it's not about us at all and surrender ourselves to Him, and when our hearts break for what breaks His. To live for Him is the main purpose of life.
-And people have been forgetting that. People have gone back to living life on "self-center" as Max Lucado calls it.
It is my prayer that the eyes of our hearts will be opened to this reality and we actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Our world is slowly but surely, going to waste. People are turning away from God and are forgetting Him left and right. Some don't even know about Him. There are people who are poor, sick, illiterate and lonely. It is up to us to show them, introduce to them a God who is exactly in the business of making miracles. We might not need one ourselves, but there are people who are in dire need of miracles everyday. We have a God who is our provider, our healer and gives us wisdom. More importantly we have a God who loves us in spite of everything we've done. No matter what kind of background we may have. And people have no idea that He exists!
If you think about it... We were once like that. Someway, somehow, we needed love and attention. Someone who could make everything better. Or at least tell us that despite our hardships, everything will be well in the end. And one fateful day, someone introduced us to Him. Or for others, He found us Himself- The Lover of our souls and the Author of Salvation.
And your life was never the same.
Don't we want that for our friends and family members who are lost? Don't we want to save them? Let them understand and love our Daddy the way we do? I know its scary... but is it scary to get rejected for a moment for doing something you know is right or to suffer guilt for eternity watching these people suffer because you didn't do anything about it?
There is a saying that most of the time, the only Bible people will ever get to read is your own life. What kind of life are you living? Is it one that pleases God? Is it one that will not let people question your relationship with Him and will not bring other Christians down with you? Would you rather be accepted now and suffer for an eternity along with them? There are no backsliders. Only false believers.
WAKE UP! WAKE UP, EVERYONE! Snap out of it now before being left behind does that for you. To the lost, repent. And to those who know, may we be so moved to pray that dangerous prayer... "Lord, Use me." Let us refuse to stop praying it until we are fully spent by Him.
I thought everything was just a dream, until I actually had a dream about it.
Last Friday night, I dreamt I was at this strange old house. Inside, were huge serpents scattered all over. I walked around the house, careful not to disturb or even come close to any of them, but for some reason, I wasn't afraid of these serpents. They were more afraid of me. I was with a friend (I forgot who) and that friend was afraid. A serpent tried to attack this friend, but I stood in between them and it backed away.
We came to the house to play Hide and Seek. There were other children there, all wanting to play with us. While the taya counted to a hundred, we all ran and hid all over the house. The children dragged us to the left and to the right. They brought us all over the house and showed us the best hiding places so we could not be found. But I didn't listen. I dragged my friend with me and stepped inside the Master's bedroom and hid under the bed. We giggled because we found the best hiding spot. It took hours for our friends to find us.
Suddenly, just as how all dreams seem to shift, there was a bright white light that appeared and scanned the house. Sort of like a light that came from a Lighthouse. It was searching. It was as if it was joining our little game. Three times this light appeared. The first caused mass destruction. We were asked to evacuate. When it happened again, we were more prepared. We had been waiting for it. Expecting it to come. However, this time it did not cause destruction- it completely changed the surrounding. Everything was made new. Fresh. It felt good. The third and last time it appeared, it felt like a tractor beam. The light got a hold of me and I felt myself being pulled upward, to where it was coming from. It felt good. I felt happy.
I woke up.
Lord knows what that dream was all about. But I wanted to go back to it. It felt so real. Especially during the part when I was being taken up into Heaven.
I got up from bed that Saturday morning and did my quiet time before getting to my chores. I had to leave as soon as possible since I needed to watch a play in Greenbelt 1.
Nakakahiya, mejo nagmamadali pa nga ako noon. I remember half-heartedly praying "Lord, what do you want to tell me today?" But I was rebuked by the Holy Spirit when I read my devotional for that day..
God was still keeping His eye on me. He wasn't done talking to me yet. I know it wasn't a coincidence that I was led to turn to 2 Corinth 11:13-15 that day:
"For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve."
"Be on red alert today, Deb."
"But how, Lord? I'm not exactly sure how to be ready. I might mess up again. The Enemy could take advantage of me by reminding me of the wretched life I lived before."
Then I read Galatians 5:1- "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
God reminded me that He left me a Manual on how to operate my life. And lately, being the Pinoy that I am, I haven't been consulting it and have been trying to fix things myself.
"Stand firm, Deb. You'll do fine Just trust Me."
I closed in prayer that day, ready to face the world. But a question still unanswered remained in my heart: How exactly do I feed my Holy Discontent? I need Action Points! I was aware of my hunger, but I didn't know exactly how to deal with it. I felt incapable.
This, God answered for me today, when at church I heard a wonderful message by Pastor Rick Warren. (on video nga lang haha) It was about surrendering what you had- your identity, income and influence- surrendering yourself to God so that He may use you. In our hands, these things are merely nothing, but when we present ourselves to God, He can work miracles in and through us. And then Rick Warren mentioned something about feeding your Holy Discontent.
BOOM! [pare] (hahaha!)
He hit the nail right on the head when he shared the 5 biggest problems in the world and what we can do about it. Everything starts when we care for the people God cares about. When we begin to realize it's not about us at all and surrender ourselves to Him, and when our hearts break for what breaks His. To live for Him is the main purpose of life.
-And people have been forgetting that. People have gone back to living life on "self-center" as Max Lucado calls it.
It is my prayer that the eyes of our hearts will be opened to this reality and we actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Our world is slowly but surely, going to waste. People are turning away from God and are forgetting Him left and right. Some don't even know about Him. There are people who are poor, sick, illiterate and lonely. It is up to us to show them, introduce to them a God who is exactly in the business of making miracles. We might not need one ourselves, but there are people who are in dire need of miracles everyday. We have a God who is our provider, our healer and gives us wisdom. More importantly we have a God who loves us in spite of everything we've done. No matter what kind of background we may have. And people have no idea that He exists!
If you think about it... We were once like that. Someway, somehow, we needed love and attention. Someone who could make everything better. Or at least tell us that despite our hardships, everything will be well in the end. And one fateful day, someone introduced us to Him. Or for others, He found us Himself- The Lover of our souls and the Author of Salvation.
And your life was never the same.
Don't we want that for our friends and family members who are lost? Don't we want to save them? Let them understand and love our Daddy the way we do? I know its scary... but is it scary to get rejected for a moment for doing something you know is right or to suffer guilt for eternity watching these people suffer because you didn't do anything about it?
There is a saying that most of the time, the only Bible people will ever get to read is your own life. What kind of life are you living? Is it one that pleases God? Is it one that will not let people question your relationship with Him and will not bring other Christians down with you? Would you rather be accepted now and suffer for an eternity along with them? There are no backsliders. Only false believers.
WAKE UP! WAKE UP, EVERYONE! Snap out of it now before being left behind does that for you. To the lost, repent. And to those who know, may we be so moved to pray that dangerous prayer... "Lord, Use me." Let us refuse to stop praying it until we are fully spent by Him.
Friday, February 6, 2009
The Days are Numbered
(con'td)
I tried preoccupying myself when I got home so I could get my mind off what happened earlier that day. Only to find out it would come back to me 10 times worse just before I went to bed.
While praying after my evening devotion, I was moved to include Myke. I remembered everything that happened that day, the words spoken and the things left unsaid. I remember how I told me parents about it earlier in the evening, at the dinner table. Their responses ringing inside me head..
"Diba nga, sabi sa bible: "Many will call me 'Lord, Lord' but I will say to them, 'get away from Me! I never knew you."
"From the looks of it, i'd say he sounds possesed."
I thought, "Did I really just have an encounter with a demon-possesed man? Lord! I pray not!"
-I was scared. I was shaking. My fear weighed me down; or at least, something was weighing me down- and I found myself face down on my bed, crying. I couldn't move. I think I was being attacked. I rebuked the Devil outloud: "In the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour, get away from me, Satan. I am a child of God, you have no power over me."
I began to loosen up, but I was still crying. I couldn't understand what for, but I was crying so hard. In my head, I saw a horrible picture- everyone I knew and loved, family and friends, being tormented in the burning lake. Thier bodies were being eaten alive by the flames, by never fully consumed. Worms, eating their rotten flesh- and they were helpless. I felt helpless just thinking about it.
I got up and locked myself away in the bathroom, afraid my parents would hear my cries. I brought my bible with me and read Matthew 24 and Luke 21- signs of the end of the ages.
I remembered what my discipler had told me before when we took up this topic in Dgroup.. That God is coming soon. And this I believed, now more than ever. As I read on, I realized a lot of the things that were written there, was happening already, if it haven't happened yet. And more things were yet to come.
I felt a great urgency to tell people about this. Warn then. My heart screamed:
"What are you doing world?! Wake up! Get your a t together! Our days are numbered. He draws near!"
_________________
I texted Rebeks to pray for me. I was planning to go to bed early pa naman, but my clock read 10:30 (late na yon for me, that day haha), and I was still wide awake and anxious. I still felt like a failure. I think I twisted the gospel and misused the name of the Holy Spirit. I was afraid. I asked Daddy for his grace and mercy over and over. ("Lord, I'm sorry... i'm sorry.. i'm sorry..") but I still felt unforgiven. Though I knew otherwise and Beks told me otherwise.
So then I asked that He give me peace. "At least for tonight, Lord." That I may sleep soundly that night.
Then, I gradually felt a great burden being lifted from my back. I breathed normally and realized my heartbeat had begun to slow down. And in a moment, I was finally able to doze off.
__________________
Today, February 6, 2009:
I honestly cannot explain what happened to me yesterday and last night.
I feel bad.
I feel bad for not being able to speak up and speak more about the gospel. I feel bad for not being able to witness more to Myke. I feel bad that I wasn't able to reply to people last night. (Now you know.) I feel bad that I slept so late.
And yet I praise God.
Now that I think about it. God truly protected me yesterday.
Because, if I DID have an encounter with a demon-possesed person, the good Lord protected me. He did not remove His hand over me. Also, God spoke to me though that little experience I had yesterday. When I asked Him to lead my to my Holy Discontent, He wasn't kidding around. He opened my eyes to what my focus should be on, and that is to care for the lost.
Now, more than ever, I feel so vunerable. I know that the enemy is aware and he will do WHATEVER it takes so that the Lord's gospel will not advance. I feel that the enemy is out to get me. He's out to get everyone. And we, as God's children have to do something about it.
Our days are numbered. Will we all be ready for when the final hour comes? Would we have warned everyone we need to warn?
A Voice from Heaven cries out:
"On your feet, Deb. There is much work to be done."
I tried preoccupying myself when I got home so I could get my mind off what happened earlier that day. Only to find out it would come back to me 10 times worse just before I went to bed.
While praying after my evening devotion, I was moved to include Myke. I remembered everything that happened that day, the words spoken and the things left unsaid. I remember how I told me parents about it earlier in the evening, at the dinner table. Their responses ringing inside me head..
"Diba nga, sabi sa bible: "Many will call me 'Lord, Lord' but I will say to them, 'get away from Me! I never knew you."
"From the looks of it, i'd say he sounds possesed."
I thought, "Did I really just have an encounter with a demon-possesed man? Lord! I pray not!"
-I was scared. I was shaking. My fear weighed me down; or at least, something was weighing me down- and I found myself face down on my bed, crying. I couldn't move. I think I was being attacked. I rebuked the Devil outloud: "In the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour, get away from me, Satan. I am a child of God, you have no power over me."
I began to loosen up, but I was still crying. I couldn't understand what for, but I was crying so hard. In my head, I saw a horrible picture- everyone I knew and loved, family and friends, being tormented in the burning lake. Thier bodies were being eaten alive by the flames, by never fully consumed. Worms, eating their rotten flesh- and they were helpless. I felt helpless just thinking about it.
I got up and locked myself away in the bathroom, afraid my parents would hear my cries. I brought my bible with me and read Matthew 24 and Luke 21- signs of the end of the ages.
I remembered what my discipler had told me before when we took up this topic in Dgroup.. That God is coming soon. And this I believed, now more than ever. As I read on, I realized a lot of the things that were written there, was happening already, if it haven't happened yet. And more things were yet to come.
I felt a great urgency to tell people about this. Warn then. My heart screamed:
"What are you doing world?! Wake up! Get your a t together! Our days are numbered. He draws near!"
_________________
I texted Rebeks to pray for me. I was planning to go to bed early pa naman, but my clock read 10:30 (late na yon for me, that day haha), and I was still wide awake and anxious. I still felt like a failure. I think I twisted the gospel and misused the name of the Holy Spirit. I was afraid. I asked Daddy for his grace and mercy over and over. ("Lord, I'm sorry... i'm sorry.. i'm sorry..") but I still felt unforgiven. Though I knew otherwise and Beks told me otherwise.
So then I asked that He give me peace. "At least for tonight, Lord." That I may sleep soundly that night.
Then, I gradually felt a great burden being lifted from my back. I breathed normally and realized my heartbeat had begun to slow down. And in a moment, I was finally able to doze off.
__________________
Today, February 6, 2009:
I honestly cannot explain what happened to me yesterday and last night.
I feel bad.
I feel bad for not being able to speak up and speak more about the gospel. I feel bad for not being able to witness more to Myke. I feel bad that I wasn't able to reply to people last night. (Now you know.) I feel bad that I slept so late.
And yet I praise God.
Now that I think about it. God truly protected me yesterday.
Because, if I DID have an encounter with a demon-possesed person, the good Lord protected me. He did not remove His hand over me. Also, God spoke to me though that little experience I had yesterday. When I asked Him to lead my to my Holy Discontent, He wasn't kidding around. He opened my eyes to what my focus should be on, and that is to care for the lost.
Now, more than ever, I feel so vunerable. I know that the enemy is aware and he will do WHATEVER it takes so that the Lord's gospel will not advance. I feel that the enemy is out to get me. He's out to get everyone. And we, as God's children have to do something about it.
Our days are numbered. Will we all be ready for when the final hour comes? Would we have warned everyone we need to warn?
A Voice from Heaven cries out:
"On your feet, Deb. There is much work to be done."
Fail.
I got dropped off in town by carpool, like always, yesterday- February 5, 2009. It had been quite a day at school, but nothing out of the ordinary happened. I had a free cut in Filipino today which allowed me to attend the leader's bible study in Matteo Ricci with the Jzone-ADMU team. We talked about Holy Discontent- how God gives us burdens in our hearts, so great that we are driven to tears about it. It is the kind of discontent that He wants because it came from the Father himself. Sort of like Nehemiah, upon learning that Jerusalem had no walls, mourned for his city (even if he had never been there his entire life) and asked King Artaxerxes if he could do something about it.
----------
All this time, I though that my holy discontent was only to reach out to young people, especially girls, who are in bad relationships- be it with their parents or a boyfriend- and lead them to the most important relationship one could ever have, which is with God. That His love is all one will ever need and will always be more than enough.
But in spite of that, I still found myself writing down the word of Marty on the piece of paper Ate Atid gave us for notes: "Lord, lead me to my Holy Discontent."
I never thought my prayer would be answered so quickly.
----------
I decided to hang in Powerbooks for a short while as I waited for my ride to pick me up. As I entered, I heard a man asking this woman...
"Can I try my new Tarot cards on you?"
I thought to myself, "maybe this is a new fad now. Tarot cards. Oh no, Lord. I pray I never get to encounter anything like that."
I picked up a thick illustrated novel on display entitled "Martial Law Babies" and began to scan through its pages. As I was reading, a voice came from behind me and said: "That's a nice comic you're reading."
Surprised, I looked up and saw that same man who asked the lady about his tarot cards standing right in front of me. I was finally able to take a good look at him- green shirt, tall, fat, sweaty, had REALLY dark circles under his eyes, acted a little effeminate, and sort of spoke like Jan-A. (No offense, A. But he SERIOUSLY DID. [And I couldn't find any other description.] Peace.) He sat down beside me and began talking to me. He gave me his name and asked for mine. Hesitant, I told him my nickname. And then he asked...
"Debbie, can I try my tarot cards on you?"
-ew. He called me Debbie.
My eyes widened. RUN- my conscience told me. I politely said no and explained I was going soon and I was just killing time there. Trying it on me would be pointless.
"Oh." He said.
I asked him if he was still studying. He laughed and said he was 27 (o_o) taking his masterals. He noticed my id strap, which I totally forgot was still on my neck. (do'oh!)
"Oh, you're from Ateneo? What year?"
"I'm a freshman." I replied.
"Ah. You're 17, but you speak like you're older."
I though to myself, "okay, how did he know I was 17 without me telling him?" I checked my id to see if he got a hint from there, (our birthdays are printed on our ids) but it was on backwards.
"What's your course?" he asked again
"I'm taking Comm."
"Oh, too bad there isn't enough time to finish it."
I didn't understand what he meant by that, but it creeped me out. I refused to let the thought bother me so I said, "Well, yeah. I'm really busy lately, haven't been concentrating much on my studies. You know, places to be, stuff to do.." I laughed nervously. I think he noticed.
Still bothered, I politely excused myself to leave
"but can I just SHOW you my cards? I'm not gonna try them on you promise." He brought out this medium-sized box wrapped in a handkerchief. He untied the knot, took out his box of tarot cards and handed it to me. "Well," he asked "what do you think?"
I ran my hand over the cover of the box, refusing to open it. "Well, they have pretty colors."
"That's it?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm really not into these kinds of things."
I swore I could feel my insides shaking, though I knew there was nothing to be afraid of. Finally, I got up, said goodbye and left.
As I walked thought Corte de las Palmas, I could feel there were tears forming in my eyes. I fought them back, asking myself, "why are you crying? There's really nothing to cry about."
Which was true, there really wasn't anything to cry about. But when I thought about Myke [the guy], I saw how blinded he was, how lost. And it broke my heart. Myke seemed nice. And I wouldn't want that to go to waste by seeing him in Hell. That would be the most painful thing, to see this guy I ran into, suffering for eternity, knowing I didn't do anything about it. I sat down by Mark's and Spencer's, where I was dropped off (since they closed Seattle's Best). My mind confused and my heart exhausted.
I felt a light tug on my heart. "If you're so bothered, do something about it." I knew it was the Holy Spirit talking to me.
I wasn't sure what I should do, so I texted Bing and Ate Mika for their wisdom and prayers.
Bing replied, "Don't back down :-)"
While Ate Miks lovingly advised, "Deb, remember that you're a girl. So be very careful. But if you really feel burdened, sana you can go there at least with a guy friend."
I knew she was right. I could be easy "prey" in case everything was just a scheme, and this I was afraid of. But I asked myself, "if I don't act now, would I ever get another chance?"
I got up and prayed as I walked back to Powerbooks.
"Lord, don't let anything stop me. Don't allow the Enemy to get a hold of me. Protect me and give me wisdom."
----------
I found Myke sitting my the children's books area, trying his cards on this woman.
"...and this tells me you don't like being compared. Oh, hello Deb. I'm so glad you came back for me." He said when he saw me. His smile creeped me out a bit.
"I wanted to talk to you" I told him.
"okay, we can talk as 'normal human beings' after this." He turned back to the lady and began dealing his cards again.
The woman looked at me and gestured that I could try it. But I shrugged and signaled her to just go ahead.
"No," Myke said "she just needs to watch."
After trying to figure out what I believe was the woman's past relationships, I turned to Myke and asked, "how are you doing this? I mean, how'd you get into Tarot cards?"
"At first, I never thought I was Psychic. But then I started guessing about my friend's past lives. They said I was good, so I looked into it. Anyway, I don't fortell the future naman. I use this lang to interact with the people. Because, you know, people love to talk about themselves, they just don't know how to open up."
"Oh" was all I could say. I didn't know how to start. *ugh*
"So what do you do for hobbies?" The lady he tried his tarot cards on was still there. She turned to me and smiled, waiting for my response.
"Well, I dance. I'm either just at home or i'm out all the time."
..........
I don't know how it came up. Strangely, this part of the conversation is a blur to me, but he found out I was Christian and asked what "group" I belonged to.
"I'm with CCF." I replied.
"Oh! Really? I was with VCF. But now I with CCBC" (or was that CSBC?)
I asked what that meant and he told me the name, though I forgot what the first two letters meant. The only part I remember was "Baptist Church". I found this quite hard to believe. But then again, who was I to judge a person's relationship with God, right?
..........
My clock read 5:00pm. I figured that my ride was already there by then, so I got up and said goodbye to Myke and the lady. I asked for her name. "Princess." she said. "What a lovely name twas a pleasure meeting you." I told her and waved goodbye.
Myke decided to walk me to my van. I grabbed the opportunity and spoke to him.
"Myke, you tell me you're baptist right?"
"Yes, why? Are you going to rebuke me now?" He laughed.
"Uuuh, well. Not exactly, but I felt the need to talk to you and ask you, how's your heart? I hope those tarot cards don't get in the way of your relationship with with the Lord. Don't let that be the Enemy's advantage over you."
"Yeeeah, well. I'm not doing anything wrong naman. I don't predict the future. I'm just focusing on the here and now. Btw, how did you know you needed to talk to me?"
"Well, I believe it was the Holy Spirit who prompted me to do so. I'm not psychic, but I can sort of tell when He's talking to me."
"oh okay, well anyway. I'm just doing this to forget a girl anyway.....blahblahblah"
His voice faded into the background as I thought to myself. "Lord, is this really him who's talking? Or someone talking for him? I'm scared. Protect me. Don't let him be able to 'read' me."
"Well Myke, there's my ride. It was nice meeting you. Don't forget God. Oh and I hope you can visit our youth service sometime. I know you're 27 and all. But hey you don't look it naman eh. Haha. 4pm Every Saturday."
"Haha! Yeah, oo nga. Please pray for me ah. I'll try to visit."
"Okay, i'll pray for you. Take care."
Myke made me beso and then hugged me. I just patted his back, reluctantly. It felt awkward.
I hopped into the van and closed the door. "Uwi na tayo, manong."
I heaved a heavy sigh. I didn't feel like I did my best. I felt like I messed up the gospel. Misued the name of the Holy Spirit. I felt like a failure and unforgiven.
(to be cont'd)
----------
All this time, I though that my holy discontent was only to reach out to young people, especially girls, who are in bad relationships- be it with their parents or a boyfriend- and lead them to the most important relationship one could ever have, which is with God. That His love is all one will ever need and will always be more than enough.
But in spite of that, I still found myself writing down the word of Marty on the piece of paper Ate Atid gave us for notes: "Lord, lead me to my Holy Discontent."
I never thought my prayer would be answered so quickly.
----------
I decided to hang in Powerbooks for a short while as I waited for my ride to pick me up. As I entered, I heard a man asking this woman...
"Can I try my new Tarot cards on you?"
I thought to myself, "maybe this is a new fad now. Tarot cards. Oh no, Lord. I pray I never get to encounter anything like that."
I picked up a thick illustrated novel on display entitled "Martial Law Babies" and began to scan through its pages. As I was reading, a voice came from behind me and said: "That's a nice comic you're reading."
Surprised, I looked up and saw that same man who asked the lady about his tarot cards standing right in front of me. I was finally able to take a good look at him- green shirt, tall, fat, sweaty, had REALLY dark circles under his eyes, acted a little effeminate, and sort of spoke like Jan-A. (No offense, A. But he SERIOUSLY DID. [And I couldn't find any other description.] Peace.) He sat down beside me and began talking to me. He gave me his name and asked for mine. Hesitant, I told him my nickname. And then he asked...
"Debbie, can I try my tarot cards on you?"
-ew. He called me Debbie.
My eyes widened. RUN- my conscience told me. I politely said no and explained I was going soon and I was just killing time there. Trying it on me would be pointless.
"Oh." He said.
I asked him if he was still studying. He laughed and said he was 27 (o_o) taking his masterals. He noticed my id strap, which I totally forgot was still on my neck. (do'oh!)
"Oh, you're from Ateneo? What year?"
"I'm a freshman." I replied.
"Ah. You're 17, but you speak like you're older."
I though to myself, "okay, how did he know I was 17 without me telling him?" I checked my id to see if he got a hint from there, (our birthdays are printed on our ids) but it was on backwards.
"What's your course?" he asked again
"I'm taking Comm."
"Oh, too bad there isn't enough time to finish it."
I didn't understand what he meant by that, but it creeped me out. I refused to let the thought bother me so I said, "Well, yeah. I'm really busy lately, haven't been concentrating much on my studies. You know, places to be, stuff to do.." I laughed nervously. I think he noticed.
Still bothered, I politely excused myself to leave
"but can I just SHOW you my cards? I'm not gonna try them on you promise." He brought out this medium-sized box wrapped in a handkerchief. He untied the knot, took out his box of tarot cards and handed it to me. "Well," he asked "what do you think?"
I ran my hand over the cover of the box, refusing to open it. "Well, they have pretty colors."
"That's it?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm really not into these kinds of things."
I swore I could feel my insides shaking, though I knew there was nothing to be afraid of. Finally, I got up, said goodbye and left.
As I walked thought Corte de las Palmas, I could feel there were tears forming in my eyes. I fought them back, asking myself, "why are you crying? There's really nothing to cry about."
Which was true, there really wasn't anything to cry about. But when I thought about Myke [the guy], I saw how blinded he was, how lost. And it broke my heart. Myke seemed nice. And I wouldn't want that to go to waste by seeing him in Hell. That would be the most painful thing, to see this guy I ran into, suffering for eternity, knowing I didn't do anything about it. I sat down by Mark's and Spencer's, where I was dropped off (since they closed Seattle's Best). My mind confused and my heart exhausted.
I felt a light tug on my heart. "If you're so bothered, do something about it." I knew it was the Holy Spirit talking to me.
I wasn't sure what I should do, so I texted Bing and Ate Mika for their wisdom and prayers.
Bing replied, "Don't back down :-)"
While Ate Miks lovingly advised, "Deb, remember that you're a girl. So be very careful. But if you really feel burdened, sana you can go there at least with a guy friend."
I knew she was right. I could be easy "prey" in case everything was just a scheme, and this I was afraid of. But I asked myself, "if I don't act now, would I ever get another chance?"
I got up and prayed as I walked back to Powerbooks.
"Lord, don't let anything stop me. Don't allow the Enemy to get a hold of me. Protect me and give me wisdom."
----------
I found Myke sitting my the children's books area, trying his cards on this woman.
"...and this tells me you don't like being compared. Oh, hello Deb. I'm so glad you came back for me." He said when he saw me. His smile creeped me out a bit.
"I wanted to talk to you" I told him.
"okay, we can talk as 'normal human beings' after this." He turned back to the lady and began dealing his cards again.
The woman looked at me and gestured that I could try it. But I shrugged and signaled her to just go ahead.
"No," Myke said "she just needs to watch."
After trying to figure out what I believe was the woman's past relationships, I turned to Myke and asked, "how are you doing this? I mean, how'd you get into Tarot cards?"
"At first, I never thought I was Psychic. But then I started guessing about my friend's past lives. They said I was good, so I looked into it. Anyway, I don't fortell the future naman. I use this lang to interact with the people. Because, you know, people love to talk about themselves, they just don't know how to open up."
"Oh" was all I could say. I didn't know how to start. *ugh*
"So what do you do for hobbies?" The lady he tried his tarot cards on was still there. She turned to me and smiled, waiting for my response.
"Well, I dance. I'm either just at home or i'm out all the time."
..........
I don't know how it came up. Strangely, this part of the conversation is a blur to me, but he found out I was Christian and asked what "group" I belonged to.
"I'm with CCF." I replied.
"Oh! Really? I was with VCF. But now I with CCBC" (or was that CSBC?)
I asked what that meant and he told me the name, though I forgot what the first two letters meant. The only part I remember was "Baptist Church". I found this quite hard to believe. But then again, who was I to judge a person's relationship with God, right?
..........
My clock read 5:00pm. I figured that my ride was already there by then, so I got up and said goodbye to Myke and the lady. I asked for her name. "Princess." she said. "What a lovely name twas a pleasure meeting you." I told her and waved goodbye.
Myke decided to walk me to my van. I grabbed the opportunity and spoke to him.
"Myke, you tell me you're baptist right?"
"Yes, why? Are you going to rebuke me now?" He laughed.
"Uuuh, well. Not exactly, but I felt the need to talk to you and ask you, how's your heart? I hope those tarot cards don't get in the way of your relationship with with the Lord. Don't let that be the Enemy's advantage over you."
"Yeeeah, well. I'm not doing anything wrong naman. I don't predict the future. I'm just focusing on the here and now. Btw, how did you know you needed to talk to me?"
"Well, I believe it was the Holy Spirit who prompted me to do so. I'm not psychic, but I can sort of tell when He's talking to me."
"oh okay, well anyway. I'm just doing this to forget a girl anyway.....blahblahblah"
His voice faded into the background as I thought to myself. "Lord, is this really him who's talking? Or someone talking for him? I'm scared. Protect me. Don't let him be able to 'read' me."
"Well Myke, there's my ride. It was nice meeting you. Don't forget God. Oh and I hope you can visit our youth service sometime. I know you're 27 and all. But hey you don't look it naman eh. Haha. 4pm Every Saturday."
"Haha! Yeah, oo nga. Please pray for me ah. I'll try to visit."
"Okay, i'll pray for you. Take care."
Myke made me beso and then hugged me. I just patted his back, reluctantly. It felt awkward.
I hopped into the van and closed the door. "Uwi na tayo, manong."
I heaved a heavy sigh. I didn't feel like I did my best. I felt like I messed up the gospel. Misued the name of the Holy Spirit. I felt like a failure and unforgiven.
(to be cont'd)
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