Fail.

I got dropped off in town by carpool, like always, yesterday- February 5, 2009. It had been quite a day at school, but nothing out of the ordinary happened. I had a free cut in Filipino today which allowed me to attend the leader's bible study in Matteo Ricci with the Jzone-ADMU team. We talked about Holy Discontent- how God gives us burdens in our hearts, so great that we are driven to tears about it. It is the kind of discontent that He wants because it came from the Father himself. Sort of like Nehemiah, upon learning that Jerusalem had no walls, mourned for his city (even if he had never been there his entire life) and asked King Artaxerxes if he could do something about it.

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All this time, I though that my holy discontent was only to reach out to young people, especially girls, who are in bad relationships- be it with their parents or a boyfriend- and lead them to the most important relationship one could ever have, which is with God. That His love is all one will ever need and will always be more than enough.
But in spite of that, I still found myself writing down the word of Marty on the piece of paper Ate Atid gave us for notes: "Lord, lead me to my Holy Discontent."

I never thought my prayer would be answered so quickly.
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I decided to hang in Powerbooks for a short while as I waited for my ride to pick me up. As I entered, I heard a man asking this woman...
"Can I try my new Tarot cards on you?"
I thought to myself, "maybe this is a new fad now. Tarot cards. Oh no, Lord. I pray I never get to encounter anything like that."

I picked up a thick illustrated novel on display entitled "Martial Law Babies" and began to scan through its pages. As I was reading, a voice came from behind me and said: "That's a nice comic you're reading."

Surprised, I looked up and saw that same man who asked the lady about his tarot cards standing right in front of me. I was finally able to take a good look at him- green shirt, tall, fat, sweaty, had REALLY dark circles under his eyes, acted a little effeminate, and sort of spoke like Jan-A. (No offense, A. But he SERIOUSLY DID. [And I couldn't find any other description.] Peace.) He sat down beside me and began talking to me. He gave me his name and asked for mine. Hesitant, I told him my nickname. And then he asked...
"Debbie, can I try my tarot cards on you?"
-ew. He called me Debbie.

My eyes widened. RUN- my conscience told me. I politely said no and explained I was going soon and I was just killing time there. Trying it on me would be pointless.
"Oh." He said.
I asked him if he was still studying. He laughed and said he was 27 (o_o) taking his masterals. He noticed my id strap, which I totally forgot was still on my neck. (do'oh!)
"Oh, you're from Ateneo? What year?"
"I'm a freshman." I replied.
"Ah. You're 17, but you speak like you're older."

I though to myself, "okay, how did he know I was 17 without me telling him?" I checked my id to see if he got a hint from there, (our birthdays are printed on our ids) but it was on backwards.

"What's your course?" he asked again
"I'm taking Comm."
"Oh, too bad there isn't enough time to finish it."

I didn't understand what he meant by that, but it creeped me out. I refused to let the thought bother me so I said, "Well, yeah. I'm really busy lately, haven't been concentrating much on my studies. You know, places to be, stuff to do.." I laughed nervously. I think he noticed.

Still bothered, I politely excused myself to leave
"but can I just SHOW you my cards? I'm not gonna try them on you promise." He brought out this medium-sized box wrapped in a handkerchief. He untied the knot, took out his box of tarot cards and handed it to me. "Well," he asked "what do you think?"
I ran my hand over the cover of the box, refusing to open it. "Well, they have pretty colors."
"That's it?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm really not into these kinds of things."
I swore I could feel my insides shaking, though I knew there was nothing to be afraid of. Finally, I got up, said goodbye and left.

As I walked thought Corte de las Palmas, I could feel there were tears forming in my eyes. I fought them back, asking myself, "why are you crying? There's really nothing to cry about."
Which was true, there really wasn't anything to cry about. But when I thought about Myke [the guy], I saw how blinded he was, how lost. And it broke my heart. Myke seemed nice. And I wouldn't want that to go to waste by seeing him in Hell. That would be the most painful thing, to see this guy I ran into, suffering for eternity, knowing I didn't do anything about it. I sat down by Mark's and Spencer's, where I was dropped off (since they closed Seattle's Best). My mind confused and my heart exhausted.
I felt a light tug on my heart. "If you're so bothered, do something about it." I knew it was the Holy Spirit talking to me.
I wasn't sure what I should do, so I texted Bing and Ate Mika for their wisdom and prayers.
Bing replied, "Don't back down :-)"
While Ate Miks lovingly advised, "Deb, remember that you're a girl. So be very careful. But if you really feel burdened, sana you can go there at least with a guy friend."

I knew she was right. I could be easy "prey" in case everything was just a scheme, and this I was afraid of. But I asked myself, "if I don't act now, would I ever get another chance?"

I got up and prayed as I walked back to Powerbooks.
"Lord, don't let anything stop me. Don't allow the Enemy to get a hold of me. Protect me and give me wisdom."
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I found Myke sitting my the children's books area, trying his cards on this woman.
"...and this tells me you don't like being compared. Oh, hello Deb. I'm so glad you came back for me." He said when he saw me. His smile creeped me out a bit.
"I wanted to talk to you" I told him.
"okay, we can talk as 'normal human beings' after this." He turned back to the lady and began dealing his cards again.
The woman looked at me and gestured that I could try it. But I shrugged and signaled her to just go ahead.
"No," Myke said "she just needs to watch."

After trying to figure out what I believe was the woman's past relationships, I turned to Myke and asked, "how are you doing this? I mean, how'd you get into Tarot cards?"
"At first, I never thought I was Psychic. But then I started guessing about my friend's past lives. They said I was good, so I looked into it. Anyway, I don't fortell the future naman. I use this lang to interact with the people. Because, you know, people love to talk about themselves, they just don't know how to open up."
"Oh" was all I could say. I didn't know how to start. *ugh*

"So what do you do for hobbies?" The lady he tried his tarot cards on was still there. She turned to me and smiled, waiting for my response.
"Well, I dance. I'm either just at home or i'm out all the time."
..........
I don't know how it came up. Strangely, this part of the conversation is a blur to me, but he found out I was Christian and asked what "group" I belonged to.
"I'm with CCF." I replied.
"Oh! Really? I was with VCF. But now I with CCBC" (or was that CSBC?)
I asked what that meant and he told me the name, though I forgot what the first two letters meant. The only part I remember was "Baptist Church". I found this quite hard to believe. But then again, who was I to judge a person's relationship with God, right?
..........
My clock read 5:00pm. I figured that my ride was already there by then, so I got up and said goodbye to Myke and the lady. I asked for her name. "Princess." she said. "What a lovely name twas a pleasure meeting you." I told her and waved goodbye.

Myke decided to walk me to my van. I grabbed the opportunity and spoke to him.
"Myke, you tell me you're baptist right?"
"Yes, why? Are you going to rebuke me now?" He laughed.
"Uuuh, well. Not exactly, but I felt the need to talk to you and ask you, how's your heart? I hope those tarot cards don't get in the way of your relationship with with the Lord. Don't let that be the Enemy's advantage over you."
"Yeeeah, well. I'm not doing anything wrong naman. I don't predict the future. I'm just focusing on the here and now. Btw, how did you know you needed to talk to me?"
"Well, I believe it was the Holy Spirit who prompted me to do so. I'm not psychic, but I can sort of tell when He's talking to me."
"oh okay, well anyway. I'm just doing this to forget a girl anyway.....blahblahblah"

His voice faded into the background as I thought to myself. "Lord, is this really him who's talking? Or someone talking for him? I'm scared. Protect me. Don't let him be able to 'read' me."
"Well Myke, there's my ride. It was nice meeting you. Don't forget God. Oh and I hope you can visit our youth service sometime. I know you're 27 and all. But hey you don't look it naman eh. Haha. 4pm Every Saturday."
"Haha! Yeah, oo nga. Please pray for me ah. I'll try to visit."
"Okay, i'll pray for you. Take care."

Myke made me beso and then hugged me. I just patted his back, reluctantly. It felt awkward.
I hopped into the van and closed the door. "Uwi na tayo, manong."

I heaved a heavy sigh. I didn't feel like I did my best. I felt like I messed up the gospel. Misued the name of the Holy Spirit. I felt like a failure and unforgiven.

(to be cont'd)